This deadass the funniest tweet ever.
shit they’re finding our weak spots
Putting on makeup is such a spiritual experience I watch myself go from a 3 to a 9 right in front of my mirror I love it
no, if you are putting on makeup, I don’t care who you are or what you look like, you go from about a 10 to 1
keep talking shit you gonna go from a basic ass 2 to a 6-feet-under
found this sick keyboard at the thrift store and the mouse that comes with it is sick too
I’m sorry, this is so ugly. Probably because of the Comic Sans. But I can dig that mouse.
shut your fucking face fuckface
"Ew you’re a guy and like the color pink are you gay?"
I’ve been waiting for this post all my life
Stop saying that “sex is a basic human need”.
"Give it to me straight doc, is he gonna be okay?"
"No ma’am I’m sorry but we were too late…your son just couldn’t get some. There was nothing we could do."
*mother crumbles to the floor, curses the friendzone to the heavens. Doc lowers fedora over corpse’s eyes respectfully*
Don’t date someone you wouldn’t own a dog with